Kesha has revealed the true extent of her struggles with eating disorders in a candid new interview. Speaking to Rolling Stone magazine, the Tik Tok hitmaker said she developed bulimia after signing her first record deal because she faced pressure to "look like a pop star".
"I really just thought I wasn't supposed to eat food," she said. "And then if I ever did, I felt very ashamed, and I would make myself throw up because I'd think, 'Oh, my God, I can't believe I actually did that horrible thing. I'm so ashamed of myself because I don't deserve to eat food'."
She went on to state that because she was constantly body-shamed her self-esteem plummeted. "I just remember crying into a carbohydrate being like, 'I can't eat it. It's going to make me fat, and if I'm fat, I can't be a singer because pop stars can't eat food – they can't be fat.'"
Recalling the moment that she realised that she needed professional help, she said it all came to a head at a dinner party.
"I was like, 'F**k. This. Sh-t. F**k this sh*t. I'm hungry!' And I am so anxious that I feel like I'm going to explode from all the secrets. All the secret times I'm pretending to eat or other times I'm purging, and I'm trying to not let anybody know. And I'm just f**king sick of this shit," she told the magazine. "And I remember just shaking because I was so fed up, so anxious, and I was just mad that I had let myself get to that point."
The 30-year-old star became determined not to let her relationship with food ruin her life and, following an emotional conversation with her mother, checked into a rehab facility for treatment in early 2014 and worked with a nutritionist.
Back in August, she released her long-awaited third studio album, Rainbow, which marked a fresh start for the singer who has been embroiled in a bitter and highly-publicised legal battle with her former producer Dr Luke. In the lawsuit, Kesha accused the musician of sexual assault while demanding to be released from her contract.